Tiny Flecks of Color

just a heavy heart plagueing me these past few days... I'm confused about the way people think. The ways they think.

I don't understand. We can have differing beliefs, ways of life, goals, dreams... and still get along, can't we? Still respect each other? Still love each other? Maybe?

Yeah... my heart is heavy. I just don't understand.

I've been gone. I've known it. I've thought of a million entries to blog about but for some reason there's been a block. I log on and stare at the screen and log off. Excuses? I don't really have any. I've had a complete lifestyle change. I've changed jobs, changed age group that I work with, changed schedules, changed homes, changed states...

My faith has taken a hit. There are some trying aspects of change, I am no longer surrounded by people who feed my faith the way it had been fed before. I'm much more on my own. I have had more emotional challenges, spiritual challenges... I am adjusting and while I normally think that I adjust well to change but maybe it's harder when it is my own change.

Anyway, something happened to snap me out of this funk. We'll see if it sticks...

Today has been deemed the best day ever. Well, aside from the day I married Mr. Bean and probably all the other great days I've had but whatever... that's not the point. Today I received the best email to grace my inbox. You can read about it on my other blog - this blog is all about my new career, don't be jealous it has been easier to write in this area than here.

Also, I applied for 3 jobs on Tuesday morning. Tuesday afternoon I got a phone call with a request for an interview. Awesome.

But! While these things are great, the point of me wanting to post on this blog... the tiny fleck of color, well maybe more the smack across the face that I needed to again "snap out of my funk" is this:

Yesterday I went to see a patient. 59 years old and at the end of her life. Cancer has spread throughout her body while her family has grown, her 3 month old grandson the newest member. When I called to schedule an appointment with the patient I asked her what type of music she prefers. "I listen to the christian radio station." she replied. And I spent time that night going over a few hymns.

The next day off I go to meet this patient, unaware of how my heart would be touched. I walked in the door and was greeted by the entire family and the pastor. We prayed with the patient and I started playing. The atmosphere was tingling. My body covered with goosebumps. It amazed me I would turn to a piece of music and the patient (without seeing what I was preparing to play) would say something that spoke directly to the song lyrics I was about to sing. The whole session just dovetailed between prayer and music and commenting absolutely perfectly. I have no idea how the patient could say that I ministered to her because it was my soul that left feeling nice and full and happy. The icing on the cake... while I was there the phone call came in asking for an interview for a job - absolutely an answer to a prayer. And then today I find out that during that time 20 miles away the patient I have been seeing for the past 4 months was having a visit with her social worker. I have been working very hard with this patient, she is a tough cookie. She's my "project patient"- I am doing a case study on her for my final academic project. She is exceptionally depressed, trapped inside a body overcome by Parkinson's Disease. She has become someone I love to see, I care very much about, and I will always remember. The email I received today (referencing what happened yesterday) felt like a direct message from God reassuring me that I am in the right place, doing the right thing, at the right time.


All of these things could just be that I am having a great week... each of them a coincidence with the other...

but I feel otherwise. and for that, I am grateful.

That little boy is just so stinking excited. He thinks he is just the coolest.

You know what I think? I think that this is exactly how God feels when we finally let ourselves be loved. When we finally just turn and lay one on those holy lips (in a sense). I bet God beams from ear to ear. Or maybe even brag a little... "Hey! Peter! St. Pete! Guess what! Me and her kissed!!"

Or maybe we are like the little boy. You know Mother Mary once said in an appartion, "If you knew how much I love you, you would weep for joy"... or let out a "woohoo" and a high five.

... a new blog post!

first I would like to let you all know:

Simple Woman's Day Book

for today 3/28/11...

Outside My Window...
Right now... I am not looking out a window, but today the sun is shining deceiving me about how cold it actually still is.
 I am thinking...
Today's session went amazingly well... I had been bouncing between being very excited for the session and being terrified that it would go poorly.
I am thankful for...
My husband, being right there for me as I approach the ledge of completely overwhelmed and mental breakdown.

From the kitchen...
Saw this great recipe from my friend Kelli at Greenie Bean Recycle - We gave up meat for Lent (we used to be vegetarians) and we really LOVE not eating meat. It's a great opportunity to be creative and it just FEELS better.

Fleck of Color for the day…
Today's session - We took a huge chance and were really successful. Praise from a supervisor, "Best session thus far..." is my fleck of color. I feel GREAT!

I am wearing...
practicum garb... wore a sparkly top since I had to sing an aria today for the session.

I am creating...
A great amount of homework. Online class, regular classes, and youth ministry certification. I wish I had time to be a bit more creative. I guess I am also creating a HUGE mess, as I pack up the apartment for our move.

I am going...
to CRASH when I get home tonight, I am so looking forward to bed.

I am reading...
Music therapy journals and articles. But I reward myself with my favorite blogs.

I am hoping...
I get everything done when it needs to be.

I am hearing...
This great family sitting around visiting next to me in the coffee shop. It makes me miss my family and join in laughing with them.

Around the house...
boxes, wrapping bubbles, and more...

One of my favorite things...
sunshine and spring air. it is truly healing me today.

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week...
Homework! Homework! Homework! Also... I need to go shopping for a bachelorette party this weekend!

Meditation...
Lord grant me the serenity...

Here is picture thought I am sharing...



Spring walks... fresh air, a funny little dog, and a handsome man. **sorry this is a bit blurry - it was taken with my phone**



All during Lent - the time between Ash Wednesday and Easter - my church is hosting soup suppers for the congregation/local folk/whomever would like to attend. Each Wednesday a different ministry at our church hosts the soup supper and provides soup. I am in the following ministries: worship and prayer, faith formation, catechists, youth ministry, and Mr. Bean is a sponsor for a child. This means that out of 5 soups suppers - I have to make soup 5 times. Yeesh.

Also, during this time we are hosting a session with the pastor to talk about faith issues. All the adults are invited. I have however been seated at the "kids table" and am in charge of the children's activities. I like it though. It's a change of pace. A really interesting time where I trade in my "youth ministry for teenagers" mindset to work with preschool-3rd grade kids.
Here are some things I learned tonight about little children:

1. When you mention that you are going to play "Fishes and Whales" - they erupt into joyous shouts of "I KNOW THAT GAME!!"

2. When you teach song, hand motions are always welcome.

3. Stickers are amazing motivators for good behavior and answering questions.

4. Directions like "sit in a circle" are actually a lot harder than you may think.

5. Paint is a lot messier than you may expect.

Here is a list of things I already knew and were reinforced tonight:

5. "Fishes and Whales" is a great game... but getting all the kids to play "tackle the teacher's husband (Mr. Bean)" is WAY more fun.

4. Kids singing is ALWAYS cuter with hand motions. AND hand motions are a great way to keep their attention.

3. Trying to sit still, raise your hand quietly, and use your "inside voice" actually is REALLY hard when a sticker is on the line. Also, I am a sucker and need to get more stickers... I hate leaving people out. AND circles are over rated - and not conducive for sticker giving.

2. Crafts always take longer than you plan for, are messier than you expect, and are just a lot of fun.

1. There is no better feeling than a child who is so absolutely excited to see you that they just run up and hug you.

Final thoughts:
I can't wait to have kids. BUT I am glad I was able to send all those kids (now exceptionally excited and wound up) home with their parents.

How do you get blue paint stains off of your hands?

Children - their smiles, their innocence, their enthusiasm, their playful and loving personalities - are the perfect answer to all the worlds problems.

My challenge to anyone - go spend some time in the company of a child and its your life that will be made better.

OK! I'm the weiner for not posting the winners of the give aways...  It's my spring break, I had to make butterbeer cupcakes with my friend Sara, I just started a new online class, I needed to watch the Bachelor, I was scrunching my puppy's face, I needed to make out with my husband, no excuses except that this is the first time I've ever done giveaways. Anyway! drum roll please...

The winner of...

Kathleen's Book "Reverance and Revelry"
       Emily, who wrote, "We got T.R. when I was 8. "T.R." stood for the runt, he looked like a black lab with a whole lot of traveling salesman thrown in. When we went to check out the litter of pups I looked away from the lazy sleeping ones to see a tiny 6-week old puppy running in lightning fast circles around the yard not stopping for the 10 minutes we were there. The owners were worried no one would take him because he was so hyper all the time, but for a family with 4 kids it was love at 1st site. TR was put down in 2002 after a battle with colon-cancer, he remains the best and craziest dog we ever had. He always ran away and he never grew larger than the size of a 3-month old lab but he was ours and he was wonderful."

Kelli's Greenie Bean Bag
        Janine, who wrote, "My favorite time of the year is when the air starts to cool, letting Autumn roll in. The crispness of the air, the beauty of the leaves as they change color. The world feels fresh and beautiful. One of the most beautiful things I've ever experienced in nature was a drive up to Madison in late October, and the trees looked vibrant and on fire. It was so beautiful. One of those perfect moments that you take a mental snapshot of, to save for those cold, colorless winter days when it's hard to remember how beautiful nature can be."

Kelly and Hendrix's Banner
        Maiasaura, who wrote, "I want that banner! The truth is that WAY TOO MANY commercials and kids' movies bring tears to my eyes. The other day we re-watched Finding Nemo for the first time in a long time and oh my lord, the waterworks were out of control. Sometimes I will shed a little happy tear when my kids express love for me from out of the blue. I feel so undeserving. Even though I feel like I screw up 1000 times a day, they still accept me and love me. That is something special."

Laura's Bag
         Kelly, who wrote, "My "job" of taking care of Henry never feels much like a job. :)"

If you won, please email me at annie.walljasper@gmail.com and get me your address so that your prizes can be mailed out to you! Thank you all for your entries!! And thank you to my guest bloggers - aren't they ALL wonderful!?! Please check out their etsy shops, web sites, and blogs!

Sorry again for the delay in announcements!

Eeep! This was supposed to be posted yesterday - but Mr. Bean and I are on vacation and you know how that goes sometimes... Anyway! I will post again later today with the winners of the giveaways last two weeks. But for now... enjoy the last guest post of the BLOGiversary!

This final post is from a new friend... acquaintance? Fellow blogger. I am not sure how I even stumbled upon her site though I'm assuming its because of some of our shared interests in parenting. I love her writing and the tiny little glims I get into her life. I really appreciate when she writes about parenting type things - like breastfeeding, teaching your baby sign language, or babywearing - just because She's a few steps ahead of me in the motherhood stage of life (she's racing around with a sweet little 1 year old... and I'm not quite yet ready to have kids) and I appreciate learning from her.


"A day in the life..." of Em
Most people wake up to an alarm clock- that insistent “Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!” If you’re my husband, a melodic cell phone ring chimes “Ding ding ding, ding ding ding,” but since that doesn’t actually wake him up, it’s usually a shove from me that does the honors. My alarm clock is varies in its approach; sometimes, it’s a high-pitched, cheerful, “Hi!” Sometimes it moves straight to a kiss on the lips. Other days, when I open my eyes, I see two huge blue ones staring strait into mine as she opens and closes her hand in the ASL sign for milk. Always, waking is followed by cuddling. Neither of us is a morning person, per se, and why rush out of bed when we can slowly ease into the day? As soon as we roll out of bed, though, Tye hits the ground running with energy only embodied by one year olds.


The rest of our day follows familiar rhythms; after our cuddly warmup, we accomplish potty time, teeth brushing, and getting dressed. Then we take Mico, our 110 pound Cane Corso, for a quick walk, with Tye riding on my back in the Ergo Baby carrier. When we come inside, I whip up breakfast- usually eggs, either scrambled with vegetables or over easy atop vegetables. We eat together and chat about our day. After breakfast, Tye plays while I do chores. If I finish before her late morning naptime, we burn off some energy walking to the park or dancing together inside.

While Tye naps, I check emails, write, read, cook, and finish those tasks that are so much easier without little hands helping. When Tye wakes, we have a late lunch (it’s often 2pm by this time). Then we play with friends, go to the park, run errands, or take Mico for a really long, leisurely walk. If we haven’t already, we walk Mico again, then head home around 5 so I can start dinner, which we eat at about 5:30. After dinner, we play with Daddy if he’s home or Skype him if he’s traveling for work. Tye helps put on her pajamas and brush teeth before we read a few books. Then Tye and I rock in the chair in her room, lullabyes playing on the iPod speakers, until she falls asleep and I ease her into bed. I spend my evenings finishing chores or reading, or occasionally watching DVR’ed episodes of our favorite shows with Tyler: Top Chef, Modern Family, Thirty Rock. When Tye wakes during the night, she joins me in bed and we snuggle until she chooses my wakeup for the next day.

Doesn’t that rhythm sound peaceful? Really, it is- the ebb and flow of our day allows us to welcome the new pace of each next activity. Don’t get me wrong- life happens within this pattern. When Tye decides to empty the entire contents of my bathroom cabinets onto the floor or “help” me unpack the eggs from their grocery bag, or when she’s sick or teething and wants to nurse nonstop, sometimes our routines pause. Sometimes they go out the window and I look back at the end of the day wondering What happened today??? No matter how crazy and chaotic the day becomes, portions of our rhythm always remain to bring us comfort. Tye always knows that no matter what, we walk Mico in the morning and evening; we wipe hands and faces after we eat; we read books before we rock to sleep. And I know that no matter what happens during the day, I’ll wake the next morning to those sweet blue eyes smiling up at me.

Check back later to find out if you are a winner!

Today's "Day in the life" post is by Laura who has just opened her own etsy shop.

Laura is a friend of my from a LONG time ago - I think jr. high. Oh the good old days of bad haircuts, awkward pubescence, and first crushes. We did a few plays together... went to the same birthday parties... and in general were pretty much awesome. Laura married a long time friend (from Kindergarten or 1st grade) and her sweetheart. I love this couple, and I love Laura's new Etsy shop 

She is so creative and if this is what she's just starting with oh my goodness we are in for great things to come!

Laura and I have lost touch in the past 10 (yikes) years since high school but I am so glad to see that she is doing so well. She has her awesome man, a great job that I KNOW she's fabulous at, and now she's sharing her creativity with the world!

Speaking of sharing her creativity... one lucky reader will win one of Laura's bags!

Spring is in the air! Easter, anyone?

Isn't it beautiful! This screams "Summer" to me!

"A day in the life..." of Laura:

The pitter-patter of little feet. The squeals of excitement for another day at school. The surprise picture a student drew for me. Listening to a struggling student finally read a book. These are my joys each day as an elementary school teacher. When the days seem to drag or something stresses me out, I just have to think back to the morning bell when all the students come racing in eager to learn, listen and explore!

I hope that is isn't too much of a stretch that your job may bring blessings into your life. I hope that even though we all at some point don't want to get up Monday mornings there is something about what you do that brings you joy. If not your job - maybe a hobby? Leave a comment about an activity/job/repetetive part of daily life that is the blessing of your day. Something you may look forward to even when its difficult to wake up day after day. Leave your answer with an email address in the comments below. Entries must submitted by Friday at midnight and winners will be chosen at random and posted on Saturday. The winner will receive Laura's cute springy tote!!

Best of luck!

Today's guest blogger lived with me on the same floor in our freshman dorm. We had ridiculous amounts of fun. I remember striping and stumbling down a hill on the way home from class and Kelly threw herself down the hill like a crazy person to help make me feel like not so much of a spaz. We were both involved in spiritual life activities on campus. I also remember crying in her room late at night discussing God, spirituatliy, and the search we are all on. Eventually, we worked together on the same Residence Hall staff where again we had too much fun creating a haunted house in our hall, having dance parties, and just hanging out being awesome. I had a ton of fun witnessing Kelly and Eric's marriage and now love getting updates on her growing family. Seriously, she is one of the most genuine people I know. I really like her, and I think you will to.

"A day in the life..." of Kelly
Most days, Henry wakes up just after my husband, Eric, leaves for work. He tosses and turns, whispers excited gibberish and hugs my neck. Then he opens his eyes and he's off. I cherish those brief, dreamlike moments, when Hen is still my little baby. During the day, he is a true toddler-- a non-stop exploring machine. He doesn't have much time for cuddling.


It's been hard for me to let my little baby go. Henry is less and less a baby every day. People in the grocery store now say, "Look at this kid!" instead of "What a beautiful baby." I'm attempting to make the transition without weepy tears, but it's hard not to mourn the loss of the baby stage. The past year and a half, Henry has needed me so completely that it started to define me. Of course Henry still needs me. I'm not sending him off to summer camp yet. :) I can see there is a freedom in letting go, for Henry and for me.

This picture was taken just before he started his day. You can still see the fog of sleep around his face. You can still call him a baby. ___________________________________________________________________

Kelly is giving away a banner much like the one in the picture here. She would like us to know, that banner was made by her AND Henry. It was their very first project.
 
What Tiny Flecks in Your Life bring tears to your eyes?

Maybe its someone. something. It steals your breath and just brings you to tears. Happy tears. Tears of pride. of joy. Tell me in the comment section - and make sure to leave your email address as well. Entries must submitted by Friday at midnight and winners will be chosen at random and posted on Saturday. The winner will receive Kelly and Henry's banner! Yay!

This guest poster and I go waaaaaay back... even before jr. high! ELEMENTARY SCHOOL! Most of my memories of Janine are of a little twig of a girl (she's always be so tiny) who was my best friend. Memories of staying up late watching Grease or The Labyrinth. Swooning over Hanson and JTT. Walking to school together. Talking about boys. Laughing a lot. I feel like I giggled so much more as a kid - I think I need to get back to that. Anyway! Once in high school, Janine and I fell into our separate niches... though we still ran into each other frequently. NOW Janine is an aspiring author, a literature aficionado, a huge movie buff, and a "new" friend. I am so happy that we have reunited... and hope that we can start creating wonderful memories again.

Janine posts over at "Looking for a blue sky" - please take a peek over there. Seriously, I need her to write a novel... I'll settle for a simple paperback... ok, a magazine article. I just want more of what she has to say.


"A day in the life..." of Janine
On any given day during the week, I've realized that it really is the simplest things that make me the happiest. It's getting up when the alarm goes off (way too early), and actually feeling awake to start your day. It's laughing with co-workers, those moments at work that make you forget you're working. It's hitting every green light on the way. It's getting Olive Garden breadsticks for lunch, just because. It's finding a great book that you just can't put down and don't want to end. It's being greeted by my awesome, fat, furry, talkative kitty when I walk in the door. It's cuddling on the couch with my husband, watching good (or sometimes even bad--it doesn't even really matter) TV. It's spending time with great friends: laughing, shopping, eating, whining, and wining. It's the way my heart warms when I see my little niece jumping, playing, giggling, and talking in a language that I haven't quite cracked, but that I love nonetheless. It's the hugs I get from her, tiny but strong and oh-so sincere. It's eskimo kisses and bear hugs from those you love. It's hearing the perfect song at the perfect time, making the world itself seem perfect, if only for 3 minutes and 30 seconds. It's a text message from a good friend at exactly the time you need it. It's collapsing in bed after working a 15-hour day, my husband's arm around me as I drift off to sleep. It's going to bed content, recognizing the good things in life and letting go of the bad for a little while.

Every day has these little moments. And it is these little bright spots, even in the midst of a terrible day--actually, especially in the midst of a terrible day--that remind me of the good things in life. They remind me of the great things and people that I am lucky enough to be surrounded and loved by. No matter how bad things may get at times, I can go home to my husband and cat, or stop at my parents for some good food, good company, love, and that adorable niece of mine. No matter how cursed a day may seem or how rough the work day has been, I still have these great things in my life, reminders that this pain, drama, and frustration will pass. And in the meantime, at least I have a few little moments each day to latch onto until it does pass.

Today's "Day in the life" post is by Kelli at Greenie Bean Recycle.

Let me tell you that this girl is amazing. Kelli and JimmyRedHead went to college with Mr. Bean and I. Kelli is always the bright spot in the room. She is exceptionally caring and loving. She is sweet as can be and devoted to changing the world one craft project at a time. I love Kelli's drive and dedication to her work. Her work is her way of voicing her political statement, her activism. Is that not the coolest thing? She started Greenie Bean just a few short years ago in an effort to to educate others about "all things political, beautiful, and life affirming". To say that she has had amazing success would be an understatement, for she has inspired, educated, and changed me.

Aside from being a crafter, Kelli is a Social Justice and Community Development graduate student at Loyola University and is co-founder of the Urban Folk Circuit. She enjoys exploring every neighborhood of Chicago, cooking without recipes, frequenting local theater, and cuddling with her kittens, Killer Queen and Jubilee. Her obsessions include peppermint mochas, vintage housewares, avocado green, and protest music. Her life goals include learning to can vegetables from her frontyard homestead and running a brick and mortar craft shop. She also has a great little blog - check it out!

I truly feel honored to have her guest posting today and I am thrilled that one of you lucky readers will win this handmade tote!

Sunshine Daydream tote by Greenie Bean Recycle

"A day in the life..." of Kelli:

Eyes open, chest inflates, and I'm filled with an exquisite purpose to exist and breath and love and be. A blessing it is to just be. Grace-filled moments come in quiet minutes of hand making, tea drinking, and walk taking. The solitude of a 10am stroll fills a spirit overflowing. I soak in Mother Nature in breathless appreciation. I return to my home each evening, prepare nourishment, and crawl into bed beside the most exquisite man, human being, partner I've ever had the privilege of knowing. I offer up a sincere thanks to the universe for allowing me tiny moments in these fleeting days. Often reluctant to close my eyes, I drift softly through the excitement of today and into the anticipation of tomorrow.
Damn. I'm lucky to be alive.


Maybe its the buds on the tree just starting to come through, the crisp air the almost stings your lungs. Maybe the smell of rain or the sunshine that begs your eyes to open. Mr. Bean often talks about a ridge overlooking the Mississippi River as a "home" or "sanctuary" for him - where is that feeling for you? Leave a comment about a gift Mother Nature gives you to make evident the blessings around you. Leave your answer with an email address in the comments below. Entries must submitted by Friday at midnight and winners will be chosen at random and posted on Saturday. The winner will receive Kelli's Sunshine Daydream tote. AWESOME!!

Best of luck!



Today's guest post is from the LOVELY Lindsay. She and I are both students together and this semester I am so so SO lucky to be her practicum partner. She is seriously an awesome woman. So confident and positive. So organized and seemingly has it "all together". She inspires me. She is the gentle kind of quiet that I have always wished I was. She is the peaceful kind of beautiful I cant even try to pretend to be. She is exceptionally talented, you should hear her play piano. She is a whole lot of fun... I always feel happy and maybe just a little crazy after being with her. And she is a special kind of holy that I can't even really describe. Something about this girl touched my heart when I started school and I hope that we will be forever friends.

Lindz posts on her own blog too! So be sure to visit her and spread the love.

And now... "A day in the life" of Lindsay

A day in my life on Mondays…

Wake up. Hit snooze. Hit snooze again. Get up. Spend some quiet time with God. Be in awe of Him/His Word. Have breakfast. Make a latte. Spill ¼ of the latte right before heading out the door. Run to catch the bus. Cram-study on the bus. Arrive at school. Take in class as well as homework assignments and piano practicing. Co-lead a music therapy session. Make music with and for people; finally getting hands on experience—love it! Back to classes. Enjoy the many walks to and fro class/other obligations. Munch on a sandwich and/or a snack. Say hi to my friends/peers that I see. Chat with them about life, the weather, and classes. Head back home on the bus. Enjoy the ride. Enjoy the beautiful weather (hopefully) and walk. Check mail. Procrastinate, but finally do homework. Eat supper (ravioli from a can is a good option). Meet up with 3 lovely ladies and talk about life and what God’s been doing in our lives, challenging and encouraging each other.

Much could be said about so many of these sentence fragments. But sometimes the “rawness” of something like this can speak for itself I think.

Happy Monday!
 

Thursday will mark a year since I began this blog.

Its hard to describe what this year has been. There has been a TON of self evaluation. An absolute ridiculous amount of relationship changes/ending involvement in activities/new directions. There has been heartache. There have been hurtful comments and just plain mean behavior. But! There have also been fabulous adventures. Cherished memories. Exciting prospects. Growth in friendships. Sunny mornings and snuggly snowy nights.

All of these, the good and the bad, have been exactly what was needed. Each situation caused me to be better; caused me to grow. Its almost comical to think back a year. How much worry did I waste? How much stress and anxiety? Tears and longing? Silly. I should know that “whatever happens is the only thing that could have happened”. It makes me realize that even when I am not organized, I may procrastinate a bit, the things that I get done are because I need them to get done. And in the end they have a way of being beautiful. Somehow what it is that I do ends up being exactly what needed to get done. I said what needed to be said. I got where I needed to be. I can always use improvement but at the same time the flaws of my days are what opens me up to the beauty of them.

When you look back on a year its amazing to see the movement. Its awesome to realize how far you have traveled in 365. BUT! I feel that there is value in noticing the little moments that make up that year. It is easy to look back at a year with a fresh view - however it is much harder to enjoy each moment that makes up that year. So often (as is the case with me and the whole month of February) days rush by us unnoticed. Time is fleeting. (Yes, I did just start singing The Time Warp from RHPS.) Anniversarys make us stop each year, reunions celebrate a memory after 10, 20, 50 years. But really to slow down and celebrate the rebirth of each new day. The commemoration of your first. The recurrance of the miracle of life, a jubilee. Sure I make it sound much more amazing than what I might feel when I first wake up. I am not the easiest person to wake up in the morning. But we can try!

With that in mind, I start of the blogiversary celebrations. The next posts celebrating Tiny Fleck of Color's blogiversary will center around "A day in the life..."

We will hear from some of my favorite up and coming bloggers, some activists/small business owners, crafters, and friends. We will be giving away some of my favorite products to inspire and bring a smile to your face.

Enjoy the week - read and comment often!

Simple Woman's Day Book
FOR TODAY 2/28/11...
The last day of February! Good grief. I don't understand how that's possible. HOWEVER! It's blogiversary week!!

Outside My Window... melting ice... a college campus... sunshine - sounds like the start of "senioritis" if you ask me.

I am thinking... I am both motivated for this semester and over it at the same time. I am on my 6th week I believe. 6th out of what 16? 15? I don't really know. I have 10 more Mondays left. 10. That's not so bad. But the thought of being done is so exciting.

I am thankful for... my friends. They are so good. This weekend was a whirlwind. This weekend had a lot of heartache. But this weekend had some great times... from a cosmic bowling birthday party, to a housewarming lay around on the floor conversation, to an Oscars party that was ridiculously fun... I am so thankful to have such great people in my life. 

From the kitchen... Last night at the Oscars Party everyone was supposed to make a dish based on a movie or the Oscars. Because Mr. Bean and I are fairly crazy/noncommittal/out of our minds... we made an Oscars Ice Cream bar.... you could have a shake for each movie:
1. Inception Shake - dreamsicle (orange pop and vanilla ice cream)
2. 127 hours - shake with candy rocks on top
3. The Sour Patch Kids are alright - sour patch kids blended into vanilla shake
4. The fighter - fruit punch and vanilla
5. Winter's Bone - MINTers Bone (mint chocolate shake)
6. The Social Network - "Where my peeps at?" shake (vanilla with a peep on top)
7. True Grit - Ned Pepper's shake (dr. pepper flavored)
8. Black Swan - chocolate shake. We're boring I know
9. King's Speech - Royal CROWN shake
(ok so we had to stretch for some...)
and the piece de resistance...
10. Toy Story 3 - In honor of the character "Ham" -  a Shakcon... bacon flavored milk shake. bacon and vanilla ice cream.

try it.

Fleck of Color for the day… My pup-a-roo Ellie. I was playing guitar this morning before class and she climbed up on the couch and snuggled up next to me... then she started knocking my hand around with her nose... then she tried to climb between me and the guitar onto my lap... but she just wanted to be with me. aww...

I am wearing... Practicum clothing. Dress pants, nice cami, button down sweater... yeah I'm all professional and everything! I even have real trouser socks on - oh la la.

I am creating... A session plan for next week. A revised assignment for a class. Another revised assignment for a different class. A journal entry for a class... BUT the coolest thing is that I am finalizing plans for this week's blogiversary celebrations.

I am going... to hurry home as fast as I can because now I miss my puppy! and my husband. Also, I am going to have to go out and feed the meter some more silver pretty soon or get a ticket.

I am reading... and rereading assignments, articles for upcoming assignments, and books for class.

I am hoping... that preparations for the future become permanent plans and that things work out. (see the meditation below) **Sorry this is cryptic - more info to come later** ALSO! I am hoping that you ALL stay tuned for this week's anniversary celebrations

I am hearing... the guy next to me, he's recording a guitar track onto the computer. Pretty good!

Around the house... I need to clean up after hurricane "weekend" swept through. I also need to play the level I am currently stuck on in "Epic Mickey".

One of my favorite things... my good hair days. Today is almost one of them... I am going to say it IS one, but I am also choosing to ignore the crazy little wispy hairs that are sticking straight out. AND! Right now I am loving the blogiversary giveaways this week!

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week... meetings, meetings, meetings, and more MEETINGS! Also, I need to learn how to make and actually make a gluten free - fructose free birthday treat for a co-worker for tomorrow's birthday lunch at the office.


Meditation... "You're will be done..." followed by, "Give me strength to do it."

Here is picture thought I am sharing...

she's just a little baby

Both of the children in these videos were born prematurely by at least 2 months. As I watched these videos I was excited and moved at the amazing work being done in music therapy to assist these children. The intervention was literally changing their lives on screen.

But in the back of my head I could not help but think about how just a mere 26 years ago I myself entered the world 2 months to the day before I was actually due. I thought about how the doctors braced my parents, warning them that I only had a 50% chance at life, and after that I would probably still not be able to walk, or control my limbs. I would be blind, be unable to speak, unable to recognize my parents. I would suffer sever brain damage.

While some of you may wonder on the brain damage - I can assure you that I am none of those things.

Why?

That's my question.

Why am I so lucky? How did that happen? What was different about me?

I hate saying things like, "I am so blessed" - Not that I don't want to thank the Lord for the fortunate aspects of my life - rather that I feel terrible that I am in some way implying that others are not blessed. If by saying "I am blessed" defines being blessed as having "normal" or "typical" functioning and brain development THEN it also implies that someone who may be "atypical" in some way shape or form is therefor not blessed. And to look (especially in the case of an innocent baby - but also in all cases) at someone and deem that they are less loved, less worthy, less cared for... by GOD seems ludicrous!

A colleague of mine explained to me that we all have different blessings and burdens. I may be "typically" abled but I really struggle in a different area - where as an other person may not struggle. Either way is no better or worse than another, we look at one person's affliction and personally determine whether it is worse or better than another. It's a hard thing to imagine that someone's affliction with cancer could be better than someone else's spiritual affliction, but we are also clouded by our human way of seeing things.

Padre Pio is someone I have only begun to learn about. But he's a really interesting guy. Aside from being able to bi-locate (which is awesome) he also had the stigmata. When you have the stigmata (either seen or unseen) it causes constant and a considerable amount f pain. Some would not see this as a blessing. But Padre Pio didn't really suffer with it, he rejoiced in it that it helped save souls. Padre Pio because of his holiness is also said to have had physical attacks from the devil or demons. Rather than complaining about this and asking for the burden of being holy to be lifted, he prayed that his suffering, experience, and message would cause others to grow in faith and eventually help the world.

I've always seen things like tornadoes and hurricanes or earthquakes as sort of a nature's "free will" - like a cause and effect. So, because we choose sin, our world is flawed and thus we will have conflict in the way the world operates at a very basic level. Nature doesn't make sense. Its really in the end pretty unpredictable - meteorologists can try but seriously can you think of another profession in which you can be wrong most of the time and still have a job? Nature has conflict and cause and effect relationships, similar to our free will.

My colleague put it this way, "the more we sin, the more the physical world falls apart, the more we do penance (offer up our sufferings) the better the world gets".

This is something I have struggled with understanding for such a long time... it's hard to look at the world and just say "God isn't fair". It's hard for my human brain to understand, which I think is essentially the point of distinguishing the fact that not only am I human and God is...God. But also that God is a mystery. I can continue to ponder and search and wonder, but I may never understand. HOWEVER! I can understand that what is important is NOT my personal affliction compared to others but rather my reaction to my situation. I can be like Padre Pio and suffer in a giving way - to help others OR I can suffer with pride and arrogance and make things worse.

I am struggling with my spirituality not my belief but my questions and longing. Thus my reflection on the scripture saying: "I do believe, help my unbelief". I probably would be classified in the beatitudes as one who "hunger and thirsts for righteousness" - I feel as if I am always hungry for more... longing to be closer... struggling and looking for more. Its a real point of contention and pain for me. I could probably get mad and just say "Who cares" it would be much easier to not care. But rather, I enjoy teaching others (particularly teens) about what I do know or understand in order to help them develop their spirituality and then letting them teach me and help me grow.

I may not struggle with a developmental delay but I can use my talents and gifts to help those who do have special needs. AND! The awesome part is that in my limited experience thus far, my work with those who have different blessings than I, has proven to be rewarding. The experiences I have had have truly allowed me to grow in my faith or opened my eyes to the "tiny flecks of color" God is asking me to see.

I can see myself as blessed or burdened in any situation... what I choose will make all the difference.

SO! I will thank God for the blessing that is my brain and use the gifts I have been blessed with to help those who do not share the same blessing as me. And I think maybe that's the point of our world's variety of blessings.

What do you think?

Simple Woman's Day Book
FOR TODAY 2/21/11...
I am really frustrated that this blog will post so late today. I was on retreat all weekend with teens and am just now home and have just enough brain power to get this out. It was a great weekend and you may ask, "why worry over a silly blog post?" But I set a goal that I would post a Simple Woman's Day Book (SWDB) entry each Monday. I cannot start this week with a failure on my back. So... here we go.

Outside My Window... snow? SNOW?! What!? Why? Oh wait... I'm trying to be more positive. So... while I was really enjoying the nice weather, the snow lets me hold onto what is a fleeting winter already. It's not so bad.

I am thinking... I am such a dork. But really… I don’t want to be so negative. So even when its ridiculous I am going to force myself to be positive. Also, I am thinking about how I just gave up watching “The Bachelor” to let my husband flip between other channels just because he doesn’t appreciate reality t.v. like I do… and do you know what that is? That’s LOVE.
I am thankful for... this weekend. Teenagers. I really understand the idea that if you want to learn about something, you teach… Every time I go on these trips with the intention to lead youth to the Lord, and EVERY TIME I leave awe inspired by the kids. I leave with a new understanding of the Holy. I find that in touching their lives, they have touched mine.

From the kitchen... I made apricot pulled pork last week. But I haven’t cooked all weekend.

Fleck of Color for the day… Client in practicum who showed really great cognitive/musical abilities and her smile when I praised her about it. Also, the community that is formed and enriched by coming together to worship and grow in faith.

I am wearing... JAMMIES! My favorite cotton “long john” shirt and shorts.

I am creating... Chalkboards for the babies in my life… we've had at least 6 babies born in 2010 and one is my Godson who'll be baptized next week. I had planned on making these upcycled chalkboards this fall and didn't get through with them. Anyway, I am GOING to finish! And there's a tutorial to come, I promise!

I am going... to go see “The Rite” tomorrow- and I’m scared. But I am also intrigued. But first! I am going to SLEEP!

I am reading... BLOGS! All my favorites. Also, books for school on behavior modification as well as atypical children.

I am hoping... to go buy the Pioneer Woman’s new book “Black heels to Tractor Wheels”. I am also hoping to have a very productive day tomorrow around the apartment.

I am hearing... the t.v. and my crazy puppy wrestling with Mr. Bean.

Around the house... I want to finish the chalkboards, finish 2 quilts in progress, clean the bathroom, and organize a bit more.

One of my favorite things... my own bed! Nothing like 3 nights of sleeping on the floor to make you appreciate your own bed. Or my own shower…or my husband…

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week... To complete my session plan early this week, start on the youth ministry homework I’ve been procrastinating. Implementing some new prayer changes, AND a new workout plan with a friend.

Meditation... "I do believe, help my unbelief..."

Here is picture thought I am sharing...

dreaming of sunsets and summer

true love

The captions on the pictures are lyrics from Iron and Wine's "Each Coming Night" - a piece that makes me choke up thinking about life without Mr. Bean. I pray to God I never have to live that nightmare. However, I love this song because of its celebration of life. In my mind - the celebration of his life.

He is everything.

The love of my life.

Will you say when I'm gone away, "My lover came to me and we'd lay in rooms unfamiliar but until now"

Will you say to them when I’m gone, “I loved your son for his sturdy arms. We both learned to cradle then live without”

Will you say when I’m gone away, ‘Your father’s body was judgment day. We both dove and rose to the riverside”

Will you say to me when I’m gone, “Your face has faded but lingers on, 'cause light strikes a deal with each coming night"

There has never been another person as compassionate. As patient. As warm and welcoming. I look forward each day to ending in his arms. They are my place of comfort and sanctuary. His eyes melt my heart and see me in a way that makes me want to be a better person. His smile is contagious. I love his creativity, his confidence, and the way he can fix all things - including his use of duck tape or boy scout skills.




Thanks for following along for my "Valentine's Day" segments. 
Fun stuff coming up next week and then a celebration of tiny fleck's 1 year anniversary! 
Look forward to some giveaways and contests!

Siblings.

Growing up, I remember my Mom explaining to me (normally after a fight with my brother or sister, or after me complaining about something I needed to do for them) that your siblings are the people who will be with you for the rest of your life. That someday after my parents pass away, they will be the people I truly have left. Of course I have Mr. Bean, of course I have fabulous friends, but my FIRST friends, my FIRST partners in crime, my blood are my brother and sister. As a kid I might have rolled my eyes at my Mom... but now, those words are held so close to my heart.

As we grew up the three of us had our share of arguments but we also were very very close. Infamous stories of me reading to Charlie crib side, or Katie sitting patiently while Charlie took a nap on her lap. Memories flood my mind of adventures and games. Mishaps and ridiculousness. Charlie and Katie are my best friends. I have so much pride when I look at, talk about, or think about them... it makes it hard for me to talk, because of the squeezing in my throat. And talking about them makes it hard for me to breathe because of the squeezing in my chest. My love for them is possibly ridiculous - though not as ridiculous as my love for this creature.


But that's besides the point.



Charlie


Katie
It breaks my heart. My little baby sister who I think everything of... has no clue of how awesome she is.

I look around and see a lot of broken relationships. Some of siblings in their 40s and 50s. Some of siblings my age. It makes me wonder how people - siblings - can stand to live that way. At what point in time did some disagreement become more important than a relationship? The other weekend at a family wedding, Mr. Bean's grandfather walked up to his sister and threw his arm around her. There they stood and talked for quite a while. Two silver haired wrinkled old friends. They shared more in common than I could ever understand. There were more stories and feelings than we could ever tell. Every year my Grandmother gets together with her two brothers and their wives for a week vacation. The age span, let alone geographical gap, between them is great in some instances, but the bond is stronger than ever.

Every relationship has some ups and downs. There are times when I will go a while without talking to one of my siblings. But that is the beauty of the relationship. As soon as we are together its like we never  were apart. I cannot begin to thank my parents enough for the gift they gave me in both Charlie and Kate. Who else has been there through literally everything? Every fight? Every milestone? Every joy? Who else knows what it means when I make reference to "Mr. Security" or understands the great "Africa project" triumph? Who else knows the feelings in our house after Bear was put down? Or remembers the night all three of us slept in bed together with a baseball bat with every light in the house on until Mom and Dad got home? Who can look at each other and joke about someone getting into an accident with someone else's car? Or knows the secret shenanigans that we still haven't told Mom and Dad about yet? Who are the first people to know the recent exciting news or the current heartbreak? They know me inside and out. They understand more than anyone ever will.

If a sibling can't love you for who you are. Forgive you for what you have done. Laugh at you, cry with you, turn to you, or be there for you - who can?

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