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Disclaimer: super duper sappy song/video ahead - but it's the point of the post. And its a whole lot of fun to belt out when you're alone in your car.
Today, on Valentine's Day - I continue my posts about love. As always comments are welcome.
The other day as I was perusing the wonderful world of facebook, an old high school classmate's status made reference to what we would have been doing about 10 years ago (high school choir preparing for the annual winter holiday dinner party). It made me think about where I was 10 years ago. Which of course made me think of relationships. Beings that I recently celebrated one wonderful year anniversary with Mr. Bean I cannot believe how much my life has changed in even a year, let alone TEN!
Essentially my dating life can be summed up in about 3 serious relationships (not counting my husband) and a few dabblings here and there. Nothing earth shattering, though during high school they may have felt that way, but still the relationships were integral to shaping who I am (and who I decided to spend my life with).
G was my first real boyfriend. He was nice to my parents, fit in well with the family, and in general a whole lot of fun. I was absolutely ridiculous about him. I'm sure many girls are about their first love. But I know I thought "this is IT" - of course what IT is to a sophomore in high school is a whole can of worms in and of itself. We were really best friends first. Interested in the same things, participating in the same activities. We hung out in the same circle of friends. We would pass notes in the hallway, sneak kisses back stage during musical practice, and look forward to coy glances back and forth during church choir practice. He got along great with my younger brother, and I enjoyed being a role model and friend to his little sister. G was - is - a great guy. But even great guys (sophomores or older) do stupid things. G cheated on me. I can remember the feeling like it was yesterday. The flood of self doubt and critical questions as to why I wasn't good enough. I most certainly did not think the "other girl" was anything better than me... but if he was going to kiss her there had to be something.
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S came along half way through senior year, after a few not-so-serious guys had faded in and out. At first we had a lot of fun. Senior year is just kind of like that I guess. We shared the joys of getting into colleges, having fun at prom/senior brunch/graduation, and had a whole summer of freedom. Looking back, I don't remember any fight. I really don't remember any drama, I just remember having fun. Of course, summer ends and off we go to start our separate collegiate careers. Suddenly everything was different. Phone calls stopped, fighting started, emails/letters/communication was few and far between. Suddenly, he thought he was right, and he learned how to judge, he knew how to be cruel…and he knew how to hurt, and I was stupid enough to let myself keep getting hurt hoping to make things better.
After that there were a few flings, an embarrassing "boy crazy" period, a lot of soul searching, and rebuilding the standards I held in men.
I don't remember the list now, but at some point in time I wrote up a long list of "My Prince Charming will be...". Looking back on it now, I wasn't so much concerned with who I would find and what he would be life - but rather it was a time to recuperate the self esteem. It was a lesson on self value, a coming to a realization that I could set my own standards and stick to them. I had to believe in my heart that what I wanted was worth sticking up for. What I deserved was to be expected. You may scoff at me, saying "Annie you have a husband and a basset hound who love you. Its easy for you to say all this stuff." But let me tell ya... I've have plenty of crappy Valentine's Days - even WITH a relationship going on in my life. And because I DO have a special guy in my life, it is that I can assure you that waiting for the right stuff would be worth it in the end.
"Don't forget to love yourself."
- Soren Kierkegaard
Today, on Valentine's Day whether you are single or in a relationship or an "it's complicated, young or old, happy or sad, remember that YOU are deserving of love, forgiveness, acceptance, peace, happiness, WHATEVER! And that can only start from within yourself. Love yourself. Forgive yourself. Accept yourself. Be at peace, happy, whatever, with yourself.
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Where are they now?
G - After the break up we tried to be friends... it took a lot of time, a lot of tears, a bunch of uber dramatic fights, but we are still friends.
B - He married the girl down the street and unfortunately they are now divorced. I truly think is really sad. He was a sweetheart of a guy and deserves to be happy.
S - Today he is a pilot in the USAF – he has a beautiful wife and she seems very proud and happy. We don't talk and I really don't hear that much from/about him... but I hope he's happy where ever he is.
Me - Today, on Valentine's Day - I am at school. I am leading a music therapy session in the Alzheimer's/Dementia unit in a nursing care facility. I am learning about behavior modification in a class on atypical children. I am reading and writing for classes. I am diving into body awareness in a course to learn how to ease the pain of my future clients. Today I am at school, for me. Working towards goals that I have set for myself. Loving the standards I have set for me life.
And after I determined what I was waiting for... I found it. ;)
I have no words other than I am happy for you! Thanks for posting this!
Annie, I also have no words. I LOVE this series of posts, and each one is better than the last. Again, love, love, LOVE.