![bookmark](href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_MhvFrz7psjI/S25q-WNfAkI/AAAAAAAAAHs/OAo7qobt-Ts/s1600/postrs.png)
Today as I was listening to the radio on the way to work, and the radio personalities were joking about myspace and how it is so "OUT" now. No one goes on myspace. It's all about facebook, right? But this peaked my curiosity. I used to have a myspace. OK, well I still do but I probably haven't been on it since... 2007? Maybe? So I wanted to go on and check out old posts. Isn't it funny to look back on old things you wrote? Old journals, or blogs, or letters. I love doing that. Normally, I like to see what changed. How prayers were answered. Laugh at "terrible" situations that I thought I would "never make it through" and see just how trivial it all actually was.
So I read old blog posts off my MySpace.
One of particular interest and a good lesson for me to remember:
Saturday, June 24, 2006
For those of you who don't know, Chris' Uncle Kurt passes away Thursday. We had kept getting calls saying that he was getting worse and Chris was going to go up there to visit right after the wedding. Then Thursday his aunt called and said it was bad and that Kurt wouldn't last more than two days. So he left immediately. 6 hours later he was in DesMoines and only about an hour later Kurt passed away.
I've never met this man, and yet somehow I am really effected by his death. He had battled cancer for a few years (if I understand correctly) and its just so ridiculously sad. I mean, the man when through hell and now he has left behind 4 kids. The oldest is only 19. I have just randomly started crying about 4 times already just thinking about the kind of torture that must be. And I just think about losing my parents, or my brother or sister, or someday my husband or son... I have only faced death a few times in my life, and maybe I was too young to understand but I am just really thinking about the awfulness of it all...
of course I made it all better by watching a channel 11 show on Thursday night about kids with cancer or leukemia and things like that... and it just makes me sick to think of the things we all have to face in life. And I wonder what I will have to face. I make Chris promise over and over again not to get cancer, to take care of his diabetes... and I know that some of those promises are illogical, but its just I never ever want to lose him...God... if I ever lost him. Or my family. I would want to die...seriously. It would break me.
so I guess I want to take the advice the woman who gave the message in church today was talking about... I don't want to save my happiness, or my fortune, or my spirituality until I need it...because I need it now. We all do... you know? Every day we have to prepare for the next...and so we need to live, and live smartly, and live happily. We don't have time to wrap ourselves up in hurt, or anger, or sorrow. We don't have time to take care of ourselves tomorrow... because tomorrow never comes. I'm not saying emotions should be disregarded or whatever. But I mean, oh lord I don't know what I mean. I guess I mean, take every moment, every feeling...and LIVE it, feel it...and just do it... (thank you Nike)...but really just go and do it.
It's been a particularly rough couple of days. DRAMA. And people showing their true colors. It's interesting... and heartbreaking... and it rattles the soul and core of your being when you come under so much fire. It's worse when you see it being done to someone you love, like your husband. Right or wrong, I invest so much of my heart into him that this problem creeps into my life as well. But this too shall pass and I look forward to the closing of this chapter in Chris' life.