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"If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant:
if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome."
- Anne Bradstreet
- Anne Bradstreet
Today was my first ever visit to a psych unit. I wish I could say I had to go because of school, but unfortunately a friend of mine has recently been hospitalized with schizophrenia. I use the term "friend" with a little trepitation... I really don't know this girl, though I have continuously tried to reach out to her. We first met right after I move to the Quad Cities. She was THE ONLY person i knew here that was my age and she was very funny. She was super bubbly (more than even ME!) and always smiling and darting from one thing to the next. While doing a show together we hung out a bit and only kind of got to know eachother. Through the years since then we haven't hung out any more (probably less) but she sometimes sends an email or we run into eachother doing other theatre type things.
Yesterday I recieved an email from her requesting a visit. I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I told her I'd come. I just figured I'm in Iowa City - on campus right next to the hospital... why not?
I do that a lot... I am a people pleaser even for people who really it shouldn't matter if I please them at all. I like to do things for people. Big, huge, SURPRISE type things. I like to love.
So, there I was buzzing into a phychiatric unit when I literally had NO idea what lied ahead of me. To say it was "scary" would be a dramatization... but at the same time it kind of was. I just wanted to take her and hug her and pray with her and make everything better... and yet I knew she was getting the best care - better than I could offer.
She wanted to go outside, but since I am not an adult that the staff knows (and thus cannot trust) we could not do that. After an hour I had to leave to get to another class but as I walked outside I couldn't help but feel a new swell of relief and thanksgiving for the sun and the fresh air.
It's about 40 degrees out today. The sun is shining, and everything is wet from the melting snow. When I walked Ellie this morning she was bounding around like a crazy animal happy to have this new feeling floating in the air.
Just about 6 months ago, Chris and I were married at the beginning of the season of Autumn. This season is getting more and more popular for weddings, but we we're "jumping on a bandwagon" but rather we wanted to celebrate the basis of Love - particularly OUR love and the Love of our God. Autumn a season of letting go... of trusting that the impending death (winter) will not last forever but will rather end with the return of growth, life, and joy.
Today I feel that promise completed.
Anyone who has gone through a rough patch - a dry spell - a dark period... knows what I am talking about when I say that sometimes you really just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Recently, my life has been that way.
I started school - and while I love it, there are hard days and I just want to get through it.
My husband owns a theatre - most of our time, energy, and a fair amount of money go into that theatre.
I work - a job that I LOVE, but there are times when I am overwhelmed, and frustrated, and ready to give up.
I could go on...
...but in the end life isnt THAT bad.
Not on a day like today. Not when the sun is shining and the air is cleaner that it has seemed in a long time. No, today is not just a day. It's THE DAY. The day that just the kiss of a sunbeam heals all wounds and opens your eyes to the fact that it always gets better. That the promise of Autumn will be kept. That there is in fact light at the end of the tunnel.
It's easy for me to "look forward" to things. I am looking forward to a million adventures that are just waiting for me: finishing school, moving back to Chicago, having babies, and being there when my friends, my brother, and my sister get married and have babies. I look forward to having money to take vacations and to having time to sit around and be with my parents. I have this future life painted in my dreams that looks sooo wonderful!
Oprah Winfrey (alright! I'm a fan - you dont have to be!) once said, "The biggest adventure you can take is to live the life of your dreams."
LIVE the life of your dreams.
I'm trying to! I just need to finish school, move, make more money, blah blah blah... NO!
LIVE the life of your dreams.
At our wedding Rev. Fannin explained that learning to see that life has been good, and rich, and wonderful can only result from living each day with and open heart.
Living each day with an open heart.
I am not patting myself on the back, and I certainly don't deserve a parade or national holiday or anything. But I am so happy that I was just OPEN to where the wind was taking me today. Yes, my friend is in a sad situation - but she is getting help, and will have the best help and support to make her well again. Maybe today I was the sunshine to her. Maybe I helped move out the cold in her world. Maybe not... but either way, I was given the opportunity to make a difference and I took it. It was a litte inconvenient, and kind of scary, but I did it.
Today I lived with my heart wide open. I let myself be used for something bigger than myself.
Today, even though it was almost the same as every other day... I lived the life of my dreams.
Did you?
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