Tiny Flecks of Color

Disclaimer: super duper sappy song/video ahead - but it's the point of the post. And its a whole lot of fun to belt out when you're alone in your car.

Today, on Valentine's Day - I continue my posts about love. As always comments are welcome.


The other day as I was perusing the wonderful world of facebook, an old high school classmate's status made reference to what we would have been doing about 10 years ago (high school choir preparing for the annual winter holiday dinner party). It made me think about where I was 10 years ago. Which of course made me think of relationships. Beings that I recently celebrated one wonderful year anniversary with Mr. Bean I cannot believe how much my life has changed in even a year, let alone TEN!


Essentially my dating life can be summed up in about 3 serious relationships (not counting my husband) and a few dabblings here and there. Nothing earth shattering, though during high school they may have felt that way, but still the relationships were integral to shaping who I am (and who I decided to spend my life with).


G was my first real boyfriend. He was nice to my parents, fit in well with the family, and in general a whole lot of fun. I was absolutely ridiculous about him. I'm sure many girls are about their first love. But I know I thought "this is IT"  - of course what IT is to a sophomore in high school is a whole can of worms in and of itself. We were really best friends first. Interested in the same things, participating in the same activities. We hung out in the same circle of friends. We would pass notes in the hallway, sneak kisses back stage during musical practice, and look forward to coy glances back and forth during church choir practice. He got along great with my younger brother, and I enjoyed being a role model and friend to his little sister. G was - is - a great guy. But even great guys (sophomores or older) do stupid things. G cheated on me. I can remember the feeling like it was yesterday. The flood of self doubt and critical questions as to why I wasn't good enough. I most certainly did not think the "other girl" was anything better than me... but if he was going to kiss her there had to be something.
B was probably the best boyfriend of my high school career. We came from different circles. We had completely different interests. We had known each other earlier in our high school career, having taken the same English class, but really never got to know each other. Somehow we got to know each other because my parents invited him to my Surprise Sweet 16 birthday party. Don't get any ideas of MTV and spoiled rich girls. My parents were 100% hands on do-it-yourselfers and my party consisted of water balloon tosses (I'm a July baby), burgers off the grill, and hanging out in the back yard. It was a lot of fun, and to my surprise (and delight) B brought me flowers as a gift and even kissed me on the cheek when he left. Giddy would be an accurate word to describe my adolescent self. You have to understand that 16 years old was the magic age where in my house you were then allowed to date. And it seemed like I had a perfect guy lined up. Later that summer we went with the church to 6 flags Great America and when the bus made the hour drive back home that evening, B whipped out the ultra smooth yawn-stretch-and put your arm around the girl move. and i. loved. it. We lasted all of junior year - he helped me with physics projects, I cheered him on at swim meets, and we went to the prom together. I remember thinking "he is perfect". That summer though was a different story. See, over the summers my family would go away a lot. I think even "perfect" guys have a hard time with distance and by the time senior year rolled around He's left me for the girl down the street from him. 


S came along half way through senior year, after a few not-so-serious guys had faded in and out. At first we had a lot of fun. Senior year is just kind of like that I guess. We shared the joys of getting into colleges, having fun at prom/senior brunch/graduation, and had a whole summer of freedom. Looking back, I don't remember any fight. I really don't remember any drama, I just remember having fun. Of course, summer ends and off we go to start our separate collegiate careers. Suddenly everything was different. Phone calls stopped, fighting started, emails/letters/communication was few and far between. Suddenly, he thought he was right, and he learned how to judge, he knew how to be cruel…and he knew how to hurt, and I was stupid enough to let myself keep getting hurt hoping to make things better.


After that there were a few flings, an embarrassing "boy crazy" period, a lot of soul searching, and rebuilding the standards I held in men.


I don't remember the list now, but at some point in time I wrote up a long list of "My Prince Charming will be...". Looking back on it now, I wasn't so much concerned with who I would find and what he would be life - but rather it was a time to recuperate the self esteem. It was a lesson on self value, a coming to a realization that I could set my own standards and stick to them. I had to believe in my heart that what I wanted was worth sticking up for. What I deserved was to be expected. You may scoff at me, saying "Annie you have a husband and a basset hound who love you. Its easy for you to say all this stuff." But let me tell ya... I've have plenty of crappy Valentine's Days - even WITH a relationship going on in my life. And because I DO have a special guy in my life, it is that I can assure you that waiting for the right stuff would be worth it in the end.



Today, on Valentine's Day whether you are single or in a relationship or an "it's complicated, young or old, happy or sad, remember that YOU are deserving of love, forgiveness, acceptance, peace, happiness, WHATEVER! And that can only start from within yourself. Love yourself. Forgive yourself. Accept yourself. Be at peace, happy, whatever, with yourself.




Where are they now?
G - After the break up we tried to be friends... it took a lot of time, a lot of tears, a bunch of uber dramatic fights, but we are still friends.

B - He married the girl down the street and unfortunately they are now divorced. I truly think is really sad. He was a sweetheart of a guy and deserves to be happy.

S - Today he is a pilot in the USAF – he has a beautiful wife and she seems very proud and happy. We don't talk and I really don't hear that much from/about him... but I hope he's happy where ever he is.  
 
Me - Today, on Valentine's Day - I am at school. I am leading a music therapy session in the Alzheimer's/Dementia unit in a nursing care facility. I am learning about behavior modification in a class on atypical children. I am reading and writing for classes. I am diving into body awareness in a course to learn how to ease the pain of my future clients. Today I am at school, for me. Working towards goals that I have set for myself. Loving the standards I have set for me life.


And after I determined what I was waiting for... I found it. ;)
 

The trek towards Valentine's Day continues - I am post about people who are the flecks of color in my life and encourage you to think about similar people in your lives. Comments are welcome - share the memories of special people in your life!

“Life is partly what we make it, and partly what it is made by the friends we choose.” -Tennessee Williams

Oh you've got to have friiiiiieeeeeends! la la la la la... take it away Bette!

Maybe it was that after a fabulous night with some great friends (and good food, if I do say so myself) I woke up feeling thankful. Maybe it was the text from a dear friend saying, "Having a bad day today, need a pick me up from a best friend" and being honored that I was the one who received that text. Maybe its the constant reminders in my every day of the "family I have chosen for myself". Maybe it was lunch with a dear friend that led to the planning of a retreat for many dear friends to come together and recoup.


But that isn’t the point. THE POINT is… today what’s welling up in my heart are my friends. You’ve got to have friends. I am so blessed to have some amazing people in my life. Seriously. People who share with me their most intimate moments, their funniest conversations, and their heartbreaks. Friends come up with the craziest of adventures and the right words to say at the right times.

I was clearing out my photo memory cards and came across these photos from November:

Mr. Bean and his BFF Brian

Brian may or may not be a little creepy...



But a whole lot of fun.

When I was in my last semester of undergrad at Monmouth College, I studied abroad in Florence, Italy and London, England. It was the best semester of my life. It was also the semester when I got to know this crazy guy that my now husband - then boyfriend - called a best friend. Brian studied abroad on the same trip. Mr. Bean simultaneously lost his best friend and his girlfriend for 5 months. Over the course of the time spent over seas, I really came to understand why this guy was my Man's BFF. We took a trip to Napoli - and he didn't pack anything except the clothes on his back. For 5 days. His hair was a perpetual mess. He learned songs on the guitar to play at open mic nights at hookah bar. He made friends with literally everyone. He helped me get through missing Chris, rolled his own cigarettes, drank cheap Italian beer, drank great Italian wine, and shared in some of my most fond memories.

Friends take ridiculously long progressions of photos on their Mac just because they like being together (and looking at themselves).

Friends are casually beautiful.

We work together to make up for the things we individually lack.

We're all a little weird.

And we're way too cool.

These two ladies are essential parts of my life. We have had crazy times, crazy laughs, crazy cries, crazy fights, crazy, crazy, crazy. It's hard to pinpoint an individual time to tell you about... the times we all banned together to pull all nighters in college and get our work done. The break ups with boyfriends that left our hearts bruised. The times we were sick and made home remedies to make each other feel better. The times when the world was crashing down around us and we stood together to be strong.



“How rare it is to find a friend who encourages the best in you and isn’t afraid to name the worst.” –Gail Straub

I got this in my daily inspiration from a good friend and mentor yesterday... and it made me think. I probably am not going to tell you what you want to hear all the time... I probably want what is best for you... I probably love you more than you know... and can see all the good things in you. I probably don't like things you do because I know that you are better...or deserve better... or I know that you are just being dumb. I will try to be tactful, but honest ... loving, but strong... I want to see what you can do...what you were meant to do...and yes, I do believe that not only are you a gift from God, but that you were given gifts from God. I want to see you use them... I want to see you live out your purpose... I believe when I look into your eyes that there is someone inside who is beautiful, and capable, and loving, and talented, and significant, and worthwhile.

I will love you dearly... but that will not stop me from standing up when things are not right...and will not stop me from loving you so much that I would rather NOT support the decisions you make, or the actions you do. I love you, and I will always love you, but I might not like everything you do. And I don't have to. But I suppose the greatest thing about friendship -my friendship, our friendship... is that even if I don't believe in what you are doing...I will always stand right by your side, holding your hand, and opening my arms. I love you for you...for the beautiful beating heart in your chest, the firelight behind your eyes, and the swirling tornado of ideas and thoughts in your brain. It doesn't matter what you do, how much you make, what awards you win, or what you have.... I love you for exactly what you are... and there will always be two loving arms here to welcome you in... to hold you and love you... and to tell you that you are lucky to have a friend who will tell you when you're doing something I don't approve of... but also, these two arms are there to hold you and lift you to the place you deserve to be.

why?

For the rest of the week - leading up to Valentine's Day - I will be post about people who are the flecks of color in my life and encourage you to think about similar people in your lives. Comments are welcome - share the memories of special people in your life!

This weekend was full of a lot of things but certain things that stand out in my mind: Grandparents.

"What children need most are the essentials that grandparents provide in abundance. They give unconditional love, kindness, patience, humor, comfort, lessons in life. And, most importantly, cookies." - Rudolph Giuliani


We went on a short trip to South East Iowa for Chris' cousin's wedding - Congrats Billy and Jennifer!


Most of the time when we visit Mr. Bean’s old stomping grounds we stay with his “Oma and Opa” or grandparents on his mother’s side. These were some of the very first members of Mr. Bean’s family that I ever met… Mr. Bean’s friends, coworkers, professors, any one at Monmouth College, Central Lee High School, the theatre, or any person from any other organization my husband has EVER been affiliated with has probably met “Opa” first. He normally just walks up to people, sticks out a gnarly calloused hand, and says, “I’m Grandpa. Chris is my grandson.” He makes friends easily.

For breakfast Opa gets up at some ungodly hour and starts frying up what can only be about 3 pounds of bacon. It is a losing battle to even think about telling him we were trying to be vegetarian, because right after the bacon is fried eggs, toast, and orange rolls. Chocolate milk is always stocked for me…. Orange juice, coffee, water, a variety of jams… there is no diet at Oma and Opa’s house. And if you don’t eat… wait, who am I kidding?

Oma is a bit quieter. Often overshadowed by her husband, her children, and grandchildren - though she is a master quilter and her creations pay homage to what is incredible imagination, intelligence, and creativity. When she has something to say - and can get a word in - she often tells funny stories or just shares a bit of her every day life. She is sweet and patient and cares deeply for her grandchildren. And for her oldest grandson - there is always a sack of German anise cakes (his favorite cookie) waiting for him.

So! We stay at the farm and sleep over in the “boys room” which has curtains decorated with football teams, some of which I am sure have moved to different cities and have different names and carpet that looks like this:

Ellie isn’t allowed in the house, her name is often forgotten, and Opa normally makes some comment about “that dog” but in the end she is ridiculously spoiled just like we are.

Grandpa Walljasper can best be described as looking like John Wayne and having the patience of a saint. After the first round of grand kids grew up it seems as through the second wave moved in and stayed. At his house. This weekend we sat talking about "those girl", the computer (which he referred to as the Wii - I didn't have the heart to differentiate between the 2 different pieces of modern technology) and their "book...thing... what's the thing called? The book?" Grandma Walljasper is often cooking, cleaning, and traveling around for the kids - there are even a few who live there permanently. Grandpa gets in from the shop or fields, has a glass of Black Velvet with dinner and is serenaded by the new age noise of his extended off spring.

The enjoyment of Black Velvet whiskey must be a hereditary thing...

When Grandma Walljasper is not running around with grand kids you might find her at church. The Walljasper homestead is complete with a life size (at least 5 foot tall) Jesus and the two tablets of the 10 commandments on the front lawn. Inside could be one of the "Religious Supply" stores. She organizes a rosary rally every year, wears a WWJD ring on one finger, her wedding bands, and a ring not too unlike a super bowl victory ring with the Mother Mary in the center. She's the event planner - always making sure we have the up to date schedule of whose birthday party is when - Uncle Bobby's 90th birthday on February 25th at the restaurant in Burlington. It's a surprise. I'm not worried about spoiling it - I have no idea who Uncle Bobby is.

After the wedding festivities, a perfect night's sleep, and breakfast in the morning Mr. Bean and I were off to Chicago loaded up with cookies (homemade and store bought "sugar free" for Bean's diabetes), a 1/2 pound of colby jack cheese, a carton of chocolate milk, extra sandwiches for the road, a roll of quarters for laundry, and some extra for being in the "$20 club". We were going originally to get Chris' measurements taken for a kilt he needs from Scotland - that's another post for another day - and of course needed to stop by and see my Grandma Caravette.

Oh Grandma C, Grandma Coco, Nona ... whatever you want to call her... she is precious. About 5 foot tall - maybe 5'2". She is the center of my Mother's family - having raised all 14 children. She has worked at the same church for what seems like forever for really NOT enough pay. She has had a knee replaced, hip surgery, and foot surgery. She normally gets pushed around in a wheel chair on family vacations by my brother. Her response to being able to kiss the Pope's ring on a family trip to Rome a few years ago was, "Now I can die happy". She often has at least one of her 31 grandchildren at her house at any given time. But that night we had her all to ourselves. We were only stopping by for a quick moment... but that turned into having to have some soup, oh, and croissants. As we walked in the front door the super bowl blared from the living room and she says, "I'm for the Packers but I think Cincinnati just scored."

I didn't get a chance to see my Grandma "Boat", as she lives in Indiana and visiting a THIRD state in one weekend was just too insane. But I love her. She is wonderful and we share a ton of common interests. She broke my heart and simultaneously made my day a few months ago when she told me that I could have the HUGE doll house she made for my aunt - and that I played with growing up. It has real electricity. It was taller than me as a 5 year old. It has been forever a source of awe and enjoyment for years. It is perfectly my Grandmother and I cherish that she would share it with me.
Grandparents are amazing things... the way they care for you, the way they love you, and worry, and make sure you not only have enough - but have MORE THAN enough.

My grandfathers both died while I was fairly young - and while I have a few fond memories of them, I am sad on the relationships I missed out on. When Mr. Bean gushes over his Grandpas or when they proudly give me a hug, I miss the other men in similar roles who are not still with me. It is hard to imagine future holidays without any of my Grandparents (by blood or marriage). Its impossible to share or convey to them how important they are - even with a little liquid courage.

This weekend we were able to see Chris' uncle in a fairly new role for him - Grandpa. Chris' cousin has two little ones ages 3 and 4. The opportunity to see them interact with their "Papa" - the way his face lit up with them around. The way his stoic, quiet personality, changed and became playful and fun. It was so fun - if I say "delightful" will I sound like a dork?

Probably.

Anyway, Mr. Bean's Dad visited his granddaughter the other day and immediately uploaded pictures onto Facebook. I am not normally around when he sees his first grandchild but you can just tell the sense of pride and joy.

In the end, it's made Mr. Bean and I so excited to have our own kids someday... I have always been excited to someday be a Mom, but I've really recently come to see a whole different relationship that will be created.  Its really come to my attention that these people are where I come from AND where I am going. That duality never really crossed my mind before, but there is so much of me that is inherently them. So much we share in common. Things I absolutely love about Mr. Bean, I can see in his father, and then trace it again to his grandfather. Someone made the comment this weekend to Jennifer and I that we are the only two women with the responsibility to "carry on" the Walljasper name. But it is so much more than that! It's more than just propagating a name. It's carrying on a way of life, a tradition of values. Someday (and I assure you this is not an "announcement post") when we have kids, I will be so excited to not only to have our own child but to then create that relationship that we ourselves enjoy with our grandparents.